In 200 Days…

In 200 days I will be completing my 2nd New York City Marathon. Last year I was not able to start training for the marathon because I suffered a knee injury. It felt defeated but that turned around when I was able to volunteer for medals. I was able to greet my entire running family that finished and I remembered why I wanted to do the marathon in the first place.

Not everyone could say that completed a marathon. I know that I will not finish before that sun starts to set. I know that I will probably part of the determined group of walkers that just wants to finish.

Today marks the first day of “Amy getting her shit together of the marathon.” I have allowed stress and just straight bull shit get in the way of my goals. Regaining my massive muffintop depresses me terribly. I can’t let this keep going. I will do my best to update my blog daily. I want to track my success leading this marathon without putting it on Instagram and Facebook. I know I will periodically say something on those social media outlets but I feel my AWESOME blog is the best tool.

Right now, I am not doing more than 4 mile a month! This is not good. I have the Brooklyn Half coming and I don’t want to blow out my knee at that race. I need to get my mileage up. I need to get put my sneakers on.

The upside is I am doing a set of workouts from an online training I have been following for a few years. She focuses on strength training. That is something that I need, especially for my knee.

I am not a Weight Watchers member to do financial reasons connect to my divorce. I am using Lose It! and MapMyFitness to track my foods and intentional activities. I am using my Apple Watch for overall daily activity. I am happy that Lose It! and Apple finally figured out how to talk to each other. I really didn’t want to get yet another activity monitor after so many just giving up on life.

Cheers to marathon season!

“People Like Us Don’t Do Low Key”

I have decided to make my journey to my 2nd marathon a quiet one. There are many reason behind why I am being low key about it. The number one reason is…I have reached a low point in my life and I feel that those I trusted just watched me as I fell.

Currently, I weigh 247lbs (close to a 30lb regain). Β I have a new job that is very stressful and I am at the tail end of my divorce. I have been stress eating and sleeping my life away. I really have done nothing to prevent the regain.

I have been in a toxic married and a handful of toxic relationships. I am done with those. I have made my circle very small and I am keeping it that way.

I will be documenting my journey to my 2nd marathon on my blog only. I will not be filling my social media feeds with my training and weight loss struggles. I feel if you want to know what is going on you should make an effort to find out. I know it seems very cold but this is what life has come too.

“Where There Is Love, There Is No Question.”

Earlier today one of the ladies I follow on Instagram posted a picture of one of those tags that hangs off of a tea bag. It said,Β “Where There Is Love, There Is No Question.”

The post had perfect timing.

I took his last name and give him two beautiful children. It felt like every chance he got he asked me, “Do you even love me anymore?” Every time he asked me that it put a crack on my heart. If I am giving you my all why would you question my love for you? Does that mean I am not putting in effort for you to see that at one point I loved you?

Now, my heart doesn’t feel love towards you anymore.

I feel nothing but regret. I regret allowing you to have power over, negative power.

You never let me just talk. There always have to be a plan of action because you needed everything in black and white not knowing that you were hurting me in process.

Don’t question my love….questioning it makes my heart break.

 

 

Returning to Weight Watchers….again.

Yep. I did it again. I signed up for Weight Watchers online again.

Why?

I regained every pound I lost this summer.

I reached 241 pounds again four weeks ago.

There’s still a lot of things I have to learn and re-learn about nutrition and fitness. I am just struggling because my happiness has been pushed to the side. I wish I could just write about it on here but that wouldn’t been the right thing to do. I really need to focus on getting my health and weight loss back on track.

When I re-joined WW four weeks ago I was set on doing my best. That was pushed to the side because of family issues. In the last four weeks I have not tracked on complete day. The one thing that did change was last week I stopped having Dunkin Donuts breakfast sandwiches. I would have a 12 point sandwich every morning and sometimes a muffin to go with it. I forced myself to workout 5 days this week. The results of the week…4.9 pound loss. I guess my body enjoyed the change for the better. I want to stick to a simple plan of just not over eating and working out. Nothing crazy. Nothing that take too much time.

Living With An Eating Disorder

After much denial, I have finally come to terms with my eating disorder. My eating disorder is as simple of binge eating. 

Within the last three months have have regained a lot of weight. I have started binge eating again. The stress in my world has been very overwhelming and I have being running to food every moment I get. In the past when I binged, I would use laxatives to get the food out of my body the next day. Chocolate laxatives made this very easy to do. Well, this is a clear sign of bulimia. 

I am finally facing this. 

There are ways of “fixing” it with medicine and therapy but I don’t want my life controlled by pills. I am going to trying my best at returning to greatness and using my blog to get me there again. 

Today, I restart my Weight Watchers plan again. I know this works for me when I am depressed and can’t seen to get out of my hole. Starting again for the better.